Hets

HETS Vi talar ofta om hets här på BaraBen. Införhets, bortaresehets, publikhets, Supporterfondshets, efterhets och ren pur hets. Men vad är hets egentligen? Idag reder vi ut lite kring begreppen runt det mytomspunna BaraBen-hetset.

I utlandet pågår hets som passar väl in i BaraBens smak. Från en liten trevlig plats på internet hittade vi något som måste kvalificera in som ett perfekt exempel på hets:

Stockholm
"Stockholm is the home for a species of indigenous retarded upperclass twits with small ideas of what is outside their habitat Östermalm."

Göteborg
"Founded by Napoleon in 1649, the city of Göteborg (Gothenburg) rapidly grew to become Sweden's biggest seaport and prison camp. Today the city has more than 4 million inhabitants and is the engine of the Swedish economy. Large corporations such as Adidas, Toyota and Texas Instruments were founded there."

För er som ej talar engelska så översätter vi inte texten utan konstaterar enbart att ni nu missat ett sjuhelvetes hetsande för att ni sov er igenom engelskalektionerna på högstadiet.

En av världens mest berömda och prestigefyllda morgontidningar skrev den 23 September en perfekt hetstext i BaraBen.com:s smak. Texten handlar om Göteborg som turiststad och i densamma finner vi redan nu klassiska citat som:

...In an age of global supercapital, of triplex pieds-à-terre and velvet ropes, Goteborg has stayed, unlike Stockholm, unassuming and fairly cheap. In the past, Swedes would get their degrees here (it is the country's largest university town) and flee. But increasingly, musicians, artists, designers and shoestring entrepreneurs — the youth-ish culture that gives a city its raffish vitality and, arguably, its economic vitality — are staying, or returning, the latest wave of un-Swedish Swedes to colonize Goteborg for their own purpose...

...I met a photographer named Marco Grizelj, a friend of a friend of Johan's, who had abandoned France in favor of Goteborg. “I was looking for underground culture in Paris, and never found it,” Marco said. “Paris is a city for 50-year-olds eating overpriced food and marveling at Picassos. Here in Goteborg I can throw a big sound system in a car, and 15 minutes later I'm on a sandy beach playing loud music, and 200 people come.” The police in Goteborg are relaxed (“Just don't park near a rich person's house,” Marco said), and yet nothing feels real in Goteborg until it is made officially outlaw...

...On my second day in the city, at an annual art exhibition-rock concert-barbecue called Warm Up!, a young Swedish gangsta in a hoodie, stinky sneakers and aviator specs asked me if I had heard of Richard Florida. Florida is an American economist and urban theorist who believes that the presence of a “high bohemian” class, of artists, musicians, high-tech workers and gay men and women, drives economic growth more than sports stadiums or iconic architecture. When I called Florida, he was elated to discover that Swedish club kids cite his work and quick to return the compliment. “Look, England ruled the world, and it was a tiny island,” he said. “It's possible the world is going in the opposite direction of the big state.” Florida believes a small, well-educated, super-value-added country like Sweden could thrive and influence the world, or some portion of it, by being a knowledge-workers' paradise For the world to go the direction of Sweden, though, Sweden would need to go the direction of Goteborg, not Stockholm...

...I visited with some of the city's fastest growing companies, and at each I heard the same story: in Stockholm, Stockholm is enough. In Goteborg, Goteborg is not nearly enough, and so, ironically, its smallness forces people to look first inward, then outward, to Europe and then the world. “We chose to be centered in a second city, not a first,” says Andreas Kittel, one of the partners of the design firm Happy F&B. Happy embodies the Goteborg paradox to a T: by thriving in a small pond, they are winning international awards and are as likely to mount an art exhibition as they are to work on brand imaging for Swedish public television...

...“Goteborg used to be a not very cool place to live,” Lekman told me. “The culture centered around shrimp and bingo. Bands played Copenhagen and Stockholm and skipped Goteborg.” This is precisely how grunge fomented itself in Seattle: in the '70s, bands like Aerosmith would tour Los Angeles and San Francisco, skipping the Pacific Northwest. In Goteborg, as in Seattle, kids were forced to create their own scene. “Finally, people went, ‘Let's just do something on our own,' ” Lekman said. “At that point, people embraced everything bad about Goteborg.”How long can Goteborg sustain its newfound energies, now that shrimp and bingo are being replaced by veal carpaccio and couture? The owl of Minerva flies at dusk: It is Lekman, not Florida, who may be the Goteborg revival's wisest philosopher. “Goteborg is in its best days now,” he said...

Läs hela The New York Times hetsartikel om Göteborg här.

Sedan har vi idiothets som bara är fel, missriktad, vansinnig och rent igenom retarderad. Den framkom när Ragnar Sigurdson nyligen gav en intervju till Isländska Fotboldi.net:

"IFK supporters are great in supporting their team but sometimes they take it one step to far. "When we are winning the supporters are great but sometimes when we lose some of the supporters go beserk, try to spit at us and things like that. There are just nutcases but the majority of the supporters cheer us on."

Blåvita fans som spottar på spelarna efter dåliga insatser? Ja, jag vet inte vilka ljushuvud som gjort detta, men en sak är säker: ni är patetiska små ursäkter till männsikor. Det är fan hets från dess absolut vidrigaste och klenaste sida. Det kan vara det mest idiotiska jag någonsin hört talas om kring en match på Ullevi. Vad fan tänker man med? Arslet?

Ragnar säger i samma intervju att:

"Ragnar who has nothing against staying at IFK. "It would not be the end of the world. But after hearing about interest from bigger clubs it would maybe be a bit disapointing but I love it here."

It would not be the end of the world?! Ja, fortsätt gärna att spotta på honom så kommer han säkert att vilja stanna extra länge i Blåvitt och Göteborg. Den som ser liknande beteende har i alla fall min sanktion att ge den spottande jäveln en rak vänster på käften.

Här hemma i Sverige pågår en annan nationell hetskampanj. Spelföretaget bakom Monopol har i flera år haft problem med sviktande försäljningssiffror. Konkurrensen med XBOX, Playstation och allt vad de heter har fått brädspelens lyxlirare att bli åtsidosatt. Så då svarar Monopol-makarna med en kampanj designad att väcka lokalpatriotismen hos människor över hela landet. Via en omröstning på Monopols hemsida ska man försöka få med just sin stad som en av "gatorna" på Monopolspelets bräda.

Jag överdriver inte nu, men uppmaningarna och mailen kring detta har haglat in till BaraBen-redaktionen. "Hetsa folk att rösta", "Länka till omröstningen" och så vidare har det låtit de senaste veckorna. Jag resonerar som följer: om pajasarna på Monopol inte tar med Sveriges näst största stad automatiskt, utan patetiska omröstningar- som vi skulle kunna krossa om vi ville- så kan de ta sina hotell, gator och hela jävla spelbrädan och ramma den upp i röven på sig själva där på tankesmedjan i Stockholms affärskvarter.

Vi urinerar på deras Monopol-brädspel. Bokstavligen. Vem fan bryr sig om Monopol? Är året fortfarande 1946 och BaraBen/Sportnytt/Radiosporten/Fotbollskanalen/FIFA08/PPV ännu blott en framtida sci-fi dröm? Våra ungdomar ska inte spela brädspel. Våra ungdomar ska gå på Ullevi när Blåvitt spelar. Så släng in Hässleholm, Visby eller valfri annan skit på Göteborgs plats i det nya Monopol. Who gives a fuck? Vi säljer inte fiktiva hotell. Vi ägnar oss åt verklig blåvit hets. Landet runt, i varje stad, på varje gata.

Blåvit hets 2007. Brought to you by BaraBen.com.
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Swedbank Stadion i Malmö.
Swedbank Arena i Solna.
Swedbank (hockey)arena i Örnsköldsvik.

Vi antar att nybygget i Göteborg döps till "Janne Plånbok arena"?