USA-ambassadören utmanar England

VM2010/ENGLAND. Inför VM-premiären där England går in i turneringen med en match mot utbrytarkolonierna på andra sidan Atlanten så har den brittiska ambassaden i Washington och den amerikanska ambassaden i London ingått ett saftigt vad, berättar The Times.

Här är korrespondensen mellan ambassaderna på ett nästan högtravande språk som gränsar till att bli självironiskt.

From: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London
To: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC
Subject: World Cup Bet

Mr. Longden,
It has not escaped our attention that a certain sporting event is fast approaching, and that our respective nations will soon be meeting on the fields of South Africa.

My Ambassador has asked me to see if your Ambassador might be interested in a small wager? We will understand if you decline, given the outcome of the last such encounter.

Sincerely, Philip Breeden, U.S. Embassy, London

Jänkarna tror alltså att de kan upprepa sin chockseger från Brasilien-VM 1950, där de lyckades vinna tack vare en strålande målvaktsinsats - trots att England tokpressade hela matchen igenom. En match jänkarna självklart gjort en B-film om som är så patriotisk att jag bara vill spy när den kablas om och om på TV4Sport. Därför är det skönt att läsa den engelska responsen på vadet...

From: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC
To: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London
Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Breeden,
Even for such an exceptionally optimistic nation as the United States, I am struck by the confidence with which your Ambassador proposes this wager. It is testament, I assume, to the generosity of your great nation - since the British Ambassador does not anticipate paying out.

Your email does not specify the exact terms of the wager. May I suggest that, in the event of an England victory, the US Ambassador agrees to entertain the British Ambassador at a steak-house of his choosing in downtown DC? And in the event that the United States is able to engineer a fortuitous win over England, then my man will entertain yours at a London pub of his choosing. Loser pays.

Your reference to a previous sporting encounter between our two countries puzzles me. Since the history of English football is long and extensive, in contradistinction to US soccer, I regret that I cannot immediately recall the encounter to which you refer. No doubt it is remembered fondly on these shores; we have quite forgotten it, however.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Yours sincerely, Martin Longden British Embassy Washington DC

Den tykna och rättfärdigt överlägsna tonen visar uppstickaren med stjärnbaneret vem som bestämmer i den här branschen.

From: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London
To: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC
Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Longden ,

It is with great pleasure, and no small measure of anticipation, that the U.S. Ambassador accepts the terms of the wager. I am surprised, given the well known love of the British for history, that you have forgotten what happened the last time the “special relationship” was tested on the pitch. Of course, given the result, you are to be forgiven for having misplaced that particular episode in your memory banks. I refer of course to the victory of the U.S. over England in the 1950 World Cup.

It is true that our soccer (a fine English word we have kindly preserved for you) history is not as long and illustrious as yours. However, as your generals noted during WWII, we have a unique capability for quickly identifying and advancing talent.

Game on!
Sincerely, Philip Breeden

Oh vad oväntat, en amerikan som drar fram andra världskriget när de ska försöka bevisa sin överlägsenhet gentemot England och Europa. Noteras skall att feldgraus Tyskland aldrig ockuperade brittisk mark, att Röda Armén och inte jänkarna var först in i Berlin och att det är lätt att vara häftig med ett par oceaner mellan sig och kriget. Och gällande 1950? Även en trasig klocka har rätt tid två gånger på dygnet. Nuff said.

From: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC
To: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London
Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Breeden,
Very well; it’s a bet!

Incidentally, you should know that the Ambassador takes his steak like American soccer victories - somewhat rare.

Sincerely,
Martin Longden 

Med andra ord: snart blir det gratisbesök på valfritt steakhouse för ambassadören i Washington. Sanna mina ord. US & A are going down. Football is coming home.